You know what??? Some days it never pays to get out of bed...
Ok, on to my rant. It will be whiney, long winded, and self indulgent. Why am I pestering you here? Because No one else is here except a silly dog, and a cat I swear is deaf anyways.
A little background??? OK...My name is Deb, I am 39, single, living in NY. I work with people with disabilities or infimaties through a visiting nurse agancy. I have recently returned to work after being out for nearly a year due to 2 small strokes in 7 months. I had to go through extensive physical, occupational, and cognitive remediation therapies to regain most of my strength and memory. It could be worse, the strokes could have killed me. It could be better, they left me an emotional mess and weak. I worked terminal cases, and hospice cases for people suffering brain cancer. Now the thought od death makes me quiver and cry like a baby, reducing me to a helpless mass.
Since returning to work, I have taken on one patient. She was awesome, with trhe smile of an angel. She died in my arms today....it was not supposed to happen, but it just did, now I am feeling lonely, upset, pissed, and hurt, and sad.
I came home, found a summons taped to my door, I am being sued by yet another credit card company because I havent been able to pay the bills. I was out of work with absolutely no income for almost a year (I have returned about 15 hrs weekly) and I am still waiting to hear from disability, could be six more months.
Once inside, saw my answering machine flashing...my Dad 'just calling to tell you your brother has been arrested for stealing my car again, burglarizing the house, and failing his drug test at his parole officer meeting' The kid is 18 and has no idea what he's doing to himself.
I go to my computer, my haven and escape, and wouldn't ya know it, my favorite website www.gonegambling.com
is down. I don't gamble online, but I love their website, peeps there are great and they have fun games to play with cute little onion characters...so I couldnt even play my onion races or keno for distraction.
Oh well, maybe tomorrow will bw better. Hope this finds you well, or at least know that we all have bad days sometimes. - Deb